Zane Kay is a San Francisco-based relationship and intimacy coach, specializing in polyamory, BDSM, LGBTQ+, and dating on the spectrum.
She is currently available for sessions.
My Background
Over the years, I’ve seen my clients’ deep need to feel close to their own bodies, to their loved ones, and to humanity at large. To meet this, I have become less concerned with providing the “band-aids” of stress relief and loneliness (giving a few hours of intimacy to clients here and there) and more with creating systems and methodologies for clients to establish stable connections.
Depending on my clients’ individual needs, I incorporate practices and ideas borrowed from somatic experiencing; circling; shadow work; embodiment practices; mindfulness and meditation; consent certification programs; pro cuddling training programs; sex and BDSM education; clinical sexology research; and CBT, CPT, and DBT psychology treatments* to help individuals feel more connected to each other and humanity.
Professional Cuddler and Intimacy Worker
2018 – Present
Sex and Relationships Hotline Educator
2022 – Present
Antidomestic Violence Nonprofit Intern
2017 – 2018
Neurodivergent Erotic Laborers Support Group Admin
2021 – Present
“I realize now that so much of the shame she helped me work through was something I was carrying around all the time. Just a few hours with her really helped me feel more together.”
I believe that “typical” is not synonymous with “healthy”—that the most restorative and stable loves can be found in unconventional dynamics and through unconventional methods. Relationships need to be addressed case-by-case. What does your healthy look like?
Recent Success Stories.
A client who had a trauma response to being touched on his chest (because of the specifics of some sexual assaults) practiced gentle exposure therapy and did some emotional processing with me and now enjoys the warmth of trusted ones touching that part of him without anxiety.
A client on the spectrum whose framework for going on successful dates shattered after something traumatic happened spent several hours talking to me to build a new one. He is excitedly jumping into the dating pool again.
A client who kept turning to professional cuddlers to get the intimacy he was missing with his wife is now working with a couple's therapist and his wife instead, due to my guidance/referral.
A client who initially kept pushing my clearly articulated boundaries, after a couple conversations with me about it, now no longer pushes my boundaries. He has taken his newfound mindfulness of consent and comfort and has been fostering it with other people in his life.
